Friday, January 30

Movie Night

Burn After Reading and Flawless

Burn After Reading - cute, but weak plot. Although Ill have to give some serious props to Brad Pitt for his role is this one. I'm not typically a Brad Pitt fan...however he is the quint essential gym brat, and aced pretending (ok maybe not) that he had not one brain cell.

Stellar performance as always by Frances McDormand. I loved you in Fargo and I love you in this. Her dry sense of humor and desperate personality offers a balance to the bitchy, demanding, I just want to be f**cked right, Tilda Swinton. Honey, when you let him be in charge you ll have the "o" of your life. Frances, you are looking fantastic. No need for plastic surgery, keep it real my love.

George Clooney was creepy, nothing out of the ordinary.

And Malkovich...I am going to watch the movie again just so I can count how many times you say f*ck, and to see you again walk down the sidewalk in your boxers and robe. Your chubby legs that bow at the ankles are adorable! I noticed you have an ax, are you by chance heading south?

This is a good movie if you want something thats ridiculously silly, dry, but still has somewhat of a plot in tact. Unlike something thats just silly like Old School.

P.S. McDormand, I LOVE your laugh. Schwin!

Flawless - Demi Moore, set in the '60s. I love Demi Moore, as an actress. I wish I could give a review but the dvd was scratched and after 15 minutes of trying to get things back on track, I gave up. Damn!

Thursday, January 29

Is It Drafty In Here?

A junior in high school, she felt she had the world by the tail! She had transferred from an all girls Catholic school to the local public school. It was fall. She was able to join the volleyball team even though she transferred after the school year had begun. She liked the Catholic school, but didn’t get along with the girls. She liked to be around guys, not for the attention, but the comradery. Boys weren’t as fussy as girls, and although her looks were girlie, her personality was tomboy through and through.

When she transferred from the Catholic school to the public school, she learned what it meant to have a wardrobe. Up and to that point, she wore a school uniform from K-10th grade and on the weekends, it was jeans and a tshirt. She entered the school seeing that all the girls were so glamorous in their fancy clothes and fancy shoes. And so many layers. She loved it and embrace it!

On this specific day she choose black opaque tights, a one piece red checkered skirt jumpsuit and black boots. Under the jumper she wore a black long sleeved tshirt…she wasn’t going to surrender that quick. It was an edgy look. The jumper held the Catholic school girl look, but her boots were daring.
When she transferred, she got lots of attention. From boys, from girls, from teachers. She received an immediate respect because she came from a reputable school, with a competitive sporting club, and she was an A student.

She was not the kind of girl who stuck with one crowd. She had one good girlfriend, and moved in and out of different types of crowds. She craved the chase of something new, something different. Anything non ordinary was exceptional and interesting. She was motivated by the unknown.

For lunch breaks, she would take herself home. She liked the freedom of being able to leave school, they would NEVER allow it at the Catholic school, and she liked that she could come home and primp midday. She drove a 1982 Ford Ranger. A hand me down from her older brother. She loved that car because when she drove it, she would accelerate real fast, release the gas just before fourth gear, and the car would backfire. It always made people laugh and her too.

On this day, she finished her physics class, and went home for lunch period. She did her usual primping. Hair..check. Eye makeup…check. Lip gloss…check. Potty break…check. Once she finished, she slipped back on her boots, grabbed her bag, and jumped into her truck.

She drove back to the school and parked her car in the large parking lot. She hated her parking spot. It was so far out because she transferred after school started, and the walk to the building took forever. It at least took 10 minutes away from her lunch break. Damn, she thought.

She walked into the school, through Freshman Hall, through Sophomore Hall, through Junior Hall. Just as she reached Senior Hall the bell sounded. Classes began to filter into the main throughputs. She remembers a group of freshman boys walking behind her, giggling. She turned around and smiled at them. Young silly boys, she thought to herself. After walking a few more steps, her friend Anne darted across the hallway!

“A! Come here!” Anne shouted.

“What?” A responded. “I have to get to class.”

“Seriously, come here.” Anne now loudly whispered as she had made up ground to catch up to A.

“What!” “Whats wrong?” A inquired

“The back of your skirt is tucked into your tights and you can see your ass!” Anne apologetically said as she reached around behind A and pulled the skirt down around her bottom.

“Oh my god” A said. “I didn’t wear any underwear today” A explained.

“Yes, we know.” Anne responded

Now you know why A was so particular in putting on her morning undergarments in college.

Wednesday, January 28

Strip Tease - Well Almost

She was a freshman in college. Attending a small liberal arts school, she was startled by the social pressure. A Catholic upbringing and schooling, she realized she had been protected from the world.

She chose not to rush. Hundreds of girls all competing for each other’s attention. Trying to pigeon hole themselves into a sorority that would define their personality, their character. She thought it was absolutely ludicrous. Besides, she grew up with two brothers, no sisters and one good girlfriend. She didn’t get girls.

She passed. Drowned herself in studies, Psychology. She attracted the intellectual type. Not the jocks, not the potheads, not the rockers, not the dorks.

As a result, she had more guy friends than girlfriends, surprise, surprise and spent much of her time in the basement of a mansion of a fraternity. The space was grand. Five separate rooms, a full bar, and a cubby in the corner that had a killer sound system, and a plethora of cd’s.

She came to know the boys very well. They were like brothers to her.

“Why aren’t you dating?” “What do you like?” they would ask

“I don’t know yet” she responded. “I’m figuring it out”

Her sense of style was simple. She wore worn jeans, t-shirts, Vans, little jewelry, too much eye makeup and had naked lips. The only thing she thought about when getting dressed in the morning, was her undergarments. Her panties and bra always matched, and were usually black.

One Friday evening, she celebrated the end of a week of classes and she normally did. A 40 ounce of Old E (which she could never finish or even get to half of) and a water bong. No more, no less.

The evening felt different. The guys were hanging out, but everyone was good, happy. No drama, no broken hearts…the mood was free. It was a good night, we were not having any house parties, and it was just the group us. My friend Colleen came over. We hung out, hunkered down in that little cubby, blasted Madonna, sipped our 40’s and smoked, and smoked, and smoked.

Madonna’s "Justify My Love came on. She jumped up.

“I love this song” she exclaimed

“Why?” Colleen asked

“Because it’s sexy and passionate and sultry” she said

“I need to dance” she demanded

“Then dance…be free” Colleen said.

She dimmed the lights, grabbed a chair, and placed it in the center of the room. Her body and soul and mind absorbed the beat of the song. She placed herself on the chair, slipped off her Vans, her jeans, the t-shirt and untied her hair...and she danced.

“I’m free” she whispered to herself.

Tuesday, January 27

Impressions

….as she retreated to her humble abode, she reflected on the day past.

“How monotonous.” she thought to herself.

Day in and day out there is very little variation and few challenges.

She seeks to find excitement, creating, if only for a moment, a distraction in the form of a fantasy where she finds contentment in the idea of something greater. Its not a lifestyle, but rather her sense of self, and application to society. She’s come to the realization that she must quit fantasizing and pursue her dreams, her fantasies. Her courage comes from her past experiences, her bravery comes from her hope.

She recalls an evening in her pre teen years. Just as always, she went about her day at school. She was a good student. She listened attentively, absorbed what was being taught, and applied herself in her studies. It was at an early age that she felt the sting of monotony. Go to school, participate in after school activities. For during this season it was volleyball. She arrived home by car pool, walked into a home bustling with mom and dad activites, hurridely preparing a meal for their three children, watching the days events on the six oclock news, planning the rest of the evening. Dinner, homework, bath, tv, and then bed.

She was twelve. Bright eyed, eager for what the world had to offer her, exceling in whatever she participated. Most of those things were decided for her. A blonde blunt bob framed her pudgy face. Her cheeks rosy, eyes green, smile wide and toothy, her build athletic. She did have two brothers you know, and she could wrestle them both.

“Dad” she says to her father.

“Yes” her father replies.

“Is this what life is?” she inquires

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I mean, is this what life is. Go to school or work, come home, eat, go to bed. And do it all over the next day. Is this what people do?” she disappointingly asks.

He laughs, not at her, but at the question. This life is so natural to him the question is silly. He is a man of great pride. Constant and stable are two words that define him. Things are black and white, right or wrong, good or bad.

“Well yes. That is just what life is. What else do you want?” he responded. His answer was honest. Something she’d later come to understand and respect.

The fear absorbed her. It was not what she was wanting to hear. It was not what she believed she could be. It was not her ideal. But she was too young, too innocent and too naïve to know any better. And her life experiences had not afforded her the opportunity, up and to that point, to know any better.

“It is just not what it seems it should be.” she said to herself.

She finished dinner, completed her homework, took a bath, watched tv and went to bed. As she layed her head on the pillow, she counted the sqaures on the collectables adoring her tall dresser. The walls were painted a pale purple, so the only shapes to count in the room were figurines, furniture was sparse. She started to count, one, two, three, four, five – counting the sides, counting the tops and bottoms. She would count the shapes until all angles had been accounted for. She would always end on an even number, because life was to be in order. And then, when she finished, she count all over again, just to be sure she had counted right.

Then she closed her eyes, feel asleep, and woke up the next day and went on with life as it was intended to be.

Sunday, January 25

45 Day Countdown



In approxiamately 45 days, something in my life that has been weighing heavy on my mind will be over.

In 45 days, I will know the outcome of a difficult legal process that has restricted me from being emotionally and mentally free.

In 45 days, I will be contemplating the appropriate time to put my house on the market.

In 45 days, I will be walking away from a courthouse and into a four hour massage, mentally reviewing the events of my life past up and to this point.

In 45 days, I will be redefining my sense of self.

In 45 days, I will forgive myself for anything in my past that I wished I could change, and embrace these things for what they are, the experiences that have made me Audrey.

In 45 days, I will committ myself to me and be free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Saturday, January 24

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

My four year old niece, is the single greatest blessing in my life. Today, L and I spent the day together. L and I are like peanut butter and jelly (grape). Her innocence and the thought of knowing how easily she is impressed upon, challenge me to be my best self. I love her, in all possible ways, and am grateful that I am able to be a part of her life and she a part of mine. We had the best day today...and while I was with her, unknowingly, I took mental note of all the things that just made my heart sing! While driving home, I went through the days events with and wanted to share them...and blog about them so I could remember them.


L gets scared when she wakes up - so Ill lay on the bed with her and take a nap with her so that when she wakes up - Im there. That cute little groggy face when she wakes up, looking so distress and then the look a calm that overcomes her when she knows shes not alone. I love that feeling of safety that I give her.

L is proud when she poops, and wants you to see what a good job she did.

L and I like to hang her hanging princess castle from the ceiling. We grab all the knitted blankets we can find, a few dollies, two flashlights, a dollhouse and a boat load of polly pockets are we are good for at least two hours. If you add a few juice boxes and a ziplock of fish crackers, forget about it...

L and I can play without any toys...we share each others wild imagination

L and I make horsies from brooms

L is convinced that sugar is a part of the food pyramid - it turns out bread is actually a protein

L likes to wear her jammies all day long - because they are long, like a princy dress and the nightgown has a picture of all the disney princesses including Snow White, Belle, Beauty Shop, Cinderella, Tinkerbell, Jasmine, Ariel, Aurora, and Mulan

When L wakes up, she smells like sleep. Its her natural scent and one Ill always remember. L is all girl.

L has some pretty bad ass dance moves, including a 70's disco point and hip move that is like no other

L kisses by grabbing your face with her two hands, squeezing your cheeks together so your lips squish and then making fish lips with her lips and smack dab, pow right on the kisser!

L's favorite blanky is the one with the really stinky corner...the one shes gotten all stinky by sucking on - dont you DARE try to wash this blanky

L likes to play beauty shop after her baths

L does not like to put her hair up in a pony or a braid - she likes it down and kind of tucked behind her ears

L furrows her brow and squishes her nose when she is overly worried about her little brother - or when she acts like a big girl and shares her toys with him - either one of those things is painful to her but she knows she is a big girl now

Friday, January 23

No Effing Way


Can I Get A Witness

Its upper 30's in Cleveland today, and it feels like a heat wave. The snow is melting, the sun is shining. If you close your eyes and face the sunshine, you can almost hear the waves of the Atlantic.

Its a quick reminder that spring will be here soon. The birds will be chirping, restaurants washing down their outdoor patios, the smell of grass, people exercising outside, washing their cars, pulling their yards together. It may be a few more months away, but today is a reminder that we are closer than we are far. Thank fucking god.

My favorite thing to do when the weather breaks, is to hit the metroparks in my running shoes and follow the trails. When I finish, my body is caked with mud. Its my motivation to buy new running shoes. T - if your home, we'll do it together and hit Second Sole after.

Whats your favorite thing to do when the weather breaks?

Thursday, January 22

Celebrating Love In Miami




My flight is booked.
My bags are soon to be packed.
My heart is fluttering.

Im going to Miami to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Hmmm...think Ill start my weekend with a mojito at my favorite restaurant on Espanola Way and for sure sport a red number on the beach.

Delish!


Ladies, I saw the most beautiful ass I have seen in a long time while walking from the parking garage to my office this morning.

He was wearing jeans, traditional. Not baggy, not dark washed, not tight. Just right. And let me tell you how those cotton wonders just hugged his adorable little tooshie. Not to forget to mention he walked like a bad ass, and has no idea which makes it even better.

We chatted for a few. Goes to John Marshall, and helps out in the legal department. I asked him how he gets away with wearing jeans. His answer, "I can get away with a lot." My response, "I bet you can. You keep wearing those jeans and you'll be just fine." He blushed madly.

Ah yes, what a fantastic morning treat....

Monday, January 19

Moment of Clarity


Have you ever had a moment of clarity? A moment in time where everything in your life that seemed so confusing suddenly becomes clear? A moment where the things that bother you most, suddenly dont bother you anymore, and the only thing that has changed is that you have not allowed it to be in the forefront of your mind?

I just had a moment like that.

I am taking my life...by the balls.

How To Spot A Redneck



How to Spot a Redneck in Ohio (observations from this weekend)

A Redneck turns on his fog lights where there is no fog. Coincidentally its also a truck.

A Redneck drives a truck whose tires are worth more than the vehicle itself.

A Redneck still has dirt on his tires, even when we have had 12 inches of snow.

A Redneck buys aftershave at Drug Mart - and it comes in an aerosol spray can.

A Redneck fills his grocery cart with Red Baron pizzas and Stouffers dinners. A rich Redneck treats himself with the Hungry Man meals.

A Redneck wears stone washed jeans and the right pocket has the outline of his wallet.

How do you spot a Redneck?

Sunday, January 18

Who Am I?

This blog has become to me more of a personal diary than anything else, and I love it for that. I realized last night, that my life and myself are really not who I thought I would be or see myself at 30 something.

I came to this realization about a year ago and committed myself to make some substantial changes, which I still intend to do and have started. Those included, where I lived, my relationships with my family members, and my relationships with my closest friends.

There are many things about me, even the people who are closest to me, that people don't know. Its as if I have retreated for about five years, slipping into a self exploration phase of my life to determine what it is I want, and who I am. This included simplifying my life.

This simplification began by saying goodbye once and for all to a very complicated relationship, one that no matter how I supported, I could not fix. And one that I felt I supported long enough to give him the opportunity at a life, but he could not prevail and I could not sustain. Another example of this simplification was to rid of any personal belongings that reminded me of a time in my life that I was ready to let go of. And also to rid of any personal belongings that were not a necessity, or something that I did not ABSOLUTELY totally love.

In my apartment in Miami, well technically it was my second apartment, was when this phase of 'feng shui'ing my life' began. My first year in Miami I spent 6 months living in the Marriott on Biscayne Bay. I can even begin to tell you how horribly I ate while living in that hotel. I started work typically at 5am and finished around 8pm or 9pm and would grab something to eat and crash. This went on for 6 months.

Then I moved into a beautiful high rise apartment building. Although I was not living alone. I moved in with a friend who came to me while living at the Marriott and disclosed that he had a serious drug addiction. Someone whom I thought I knew really well, only to find that he had been keeping this addiction from me for upwards of three years. His commitment to become clean motivated me to reside in his residence and support his journey. Three parties (all of which I ended up packing an overnight bag and getting a room at the Marriott so as not to dishonor my father) and one arrest later, he ended up back in his hometown, and I ended up on the apartment search.

I was scared. I really did not know which way was up or down. My head felt like it was spinning at a million miles an hour and rather on focusing on me, my head was on work. So I decided one Saturday, that I would focus on me. I looked at a few places and knew I wanted some place quaint, safe, clean, and affordable. I landed at this great place at 69th and Biscayne, bayside. A simple 8 story building, with tiny units, a gated entrance, and open lot parking area, a pool and a view of the bay and South Beach. It was a 450 square foot efficiency. I lived in that efficiency for a year, and had a bed, a TV, and an ironing board. I did not feel the need to furnish it with junk or stuff. I lived my life as a minimalist. I stopped buying clothes and shoes. I didn't buy any home furnishings.

I filled my life at that time with experiences rather than things. I learned to challenge myself to drive to places that I never would have probably gone if I did not get the opportunity to go to Florida. Key West, Marco Island, West Palm, to name just a few. I tried every kind of food I could get my hands on. I took myself to Azul to try some of Miami's finest cuisine or sometimes hit the local Cuban food prep area to get pork, rice, beans and plantains. My favorite place was this really sketchy bar / restaurant on Biscayne just up the street from my place that had the most amazing margaritas and tacos. I would stop early because at night there was some strange shit going on in there.

I survived a hurricane. Ran an office with 30 employees, and even learned a little about the legal system.

After I moved home, I kept on this journey of self exploration, continuing to live my life as a minimalist and defining myself, as I continue to do now.


I have not bought a new pair of shoes in over a year.
I have not bought a new piece of clothing in over a year and a half.
I own two pairs of jeans.
My favorite piece of clothing is a brown wool cardigan, that would make most women my age feel embarrassed for me (no I don't wear it out).
I enjoy wearing flat ballet shoes more than heels because they are more comfortable and better for my spine.
I am shy.
I listen more than I talk.
I have an opinion but do not always share it (this may seem ordinary to some of you but in my family and circle of friends its appalling).
I am in love with a man because of his intelligence and the way I have seen him treat people, and I really don't know him that well.
I have not made love in over two years.
I have not kissed someone in over a year.
I am self conscience about my face being touched since I was burned.
I want to be taken care of in the traditional sense. I always will work, but in all other sense, I want a relationship in which a man takes the lead and I persuade him in my lady like way when he is moving in the wrong direction.
I no longer like to be in charge.
I am most comfortable when I know I am safe.

I arose from bed this morning, my head a little groggy. My mind is not clear but I can tell I am on a mental journey of some kind. This post is not clean writing, but nonetheless, I am where I am in my head and this is what it is....

I do need that cup of French roast PRONTO!

Saturday, January 17

How About A Little Pasta?

You know that great feeling you get when you lazily prep a meal and it turns out to be absolutely fantastic! I just prepared a meal like that.

I love Saturdays. I sleep in, get up whenever I feel like it, usually after spending a few more minutes in bed just as I think its time to get up...because I can. I also drink coffee all morning and into the late afternoon and then prepare myself a late lunch / early dinner.

I like the feeling of letting my appetite build until I can stand it anymore. The great thing about this, is that you normally dont have to think about what you feel like eating, because you get hungry enough that you know exactly what you want. And I knew I wanted PASTA!

So I started by heating some eeoo, tossed in some chopped shallots and garlic. I let the onions get a little more than translucent and the garlic just a titch brown. I know this means its a bit overcooked, but I think the flavor is more abundant when the onion and garlic is seared a little. Then I tossed in a fresh diced plum tomato and a heap of chopped fresh spinach. Let that cook for about 3 minutes, and added a dash of chicken stock to give it a little flavor and to release the flavor stuck to the pan. This little bit of broth also allowed the spinach to wilt nicely. Then I tossed in some whole wheat spaghetti pasta, added some fresh basil and a shake, ok, two shakes of Parmesan cheese and VOILA!

Grabbed my pasta tongs and filled a deep white bowl with that yumminess and chowed.

Not pretentious, took only about 20 minutes to prepare and tasted so fresh!

Ill have to keep this one jotted down for those days I need something, quick, fresh and tasty.

Next time, I will add some prosciutto.

Friday, January 16

Tundra

The temperature this morning in Cleveland is -7 degrees and dropping.

Thursday, January 15

Bitter Cold / Listen Better

Last night, it took me almost three hours to get home. I left downtown Cleveland shortly after 5pm. It took me one hour to get from 90th street to 32nd street by way of Carnegie. Interstate 90, which normally takes 25 minutes to get home, took about an hour and twenty. And then just as I saw freedom, my home exit, the exit ramp was covered in ice, closed and I was forced to go down 3 further exit ramps and backtrack home.

Many schools are closed today, as the temperature dips into single digits, and with the wind chill, well below zero. Driving conditions are dangerous, temperatures are dangerous and the only retreat is to hunker down and work hard to avoid the gloomy inevitable drive home tonight.

Mental note to self...pee before you leave work because if you don't, you'll regret it.

Oh how I wish my weekend plans included sun, sand and surf...Sigh...


Breakfast
1 cup orange juice
1 cup coffee with soy milk
Vitamin D
Fish Oil
Multi Vitamin
Baby Aspirin

Lunch
chicken salad, made fresh with organic chicken low fat mayo, Dijon mustard, green onions, celery, dill, salt and pepper laid on a bed or organic lettuce and carrot matchsticks coupled with a hard boiled egg (non caged / natural feed)
water

Dinner
whole wheat pasta tossed with red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, zuchinni, green onion, tomatoe, red wine vingar, eeoo, sesame seeds, feta cheese, a few chunks of cubed chicken breast and italian seasonings
whole wheat english muffin with natural low fat peanut butter
water

WorkOut
Legs and Back
Yoga

I think the combination of cardio and resistance training is starting to take effect. I am really hungry today. I started to munch on my breakfast at 10am. I think as I continue I will find that I am hungry in the morning and need to eat. I've had trouble finding my appetite in the morning but understand the importance of eating. The one day I did eat breakfast in the morning, I was not so hungry at night. That is helpful because I don't like to lay in bed with a grumbling belly. Its like I need to retrain my body from eating as much in the afternoon and evenings to eating smaller meals all day long. But, you see, the trouble is I can not force it. I know if I force it, this will just become another attempt. I am listening to what my body is telling me. It is telling me what it needs, how hard I can push it, and how it wants to be taken care of if I just listen to it.

An interesting self observation, yesterday afternoon I was really thirsty. I kept telling myself to get some water but kept moving with my daily frantic pace. Meetings, Analysis, Reports, Queries, Presentations...there is always so much to be done and so many people to connect with and communicate with that I often don't stop to meet my own needs. When I did get a few minutes to get the glass of water, I told myself tea would be better because it has antioxidants. Then I later questioned...why would you not just have the water? Why are you challenging what your body is telling you it needs. So I listen to it, but must be mindful that I can't be too busy to hear what it is saying to me.

Monday, January 12

Get In Shape Girl

So, good news, I didnt puke. Bad news, I look like Im three months prego because my stomach muscles are so bulged that my fat on my belly is sticking out like some bad episode of National Geographic. Ok, I know that wasnt cool. I do volunteer and cook for the homeless though so I get a free pass. It was the only way to help you visualize what my belly looks like, and feels. I actually put on a pair of sweats, pulled them down real low, put on a wife beater stuck out my stomach so it looked like I had a beer gut, and pretended like I was some drunk fat dude trying to pick up a chick. Am I the only one who does comedy routines in my full length mirror? Seeing my body like that is the only motivation I need.

Cardio and Ab Ripper tonight. Although it was more like...a pathetic attempt to lift my sore legs and sore arms and sore core in the air and 5 fit and supper chipper buff LA bodies smiled at me. I mo fo'd Tony the whole way. Ever notice how when you are physically sore and someone is trying to be bubbly - its REALLY annoying? I had to mute him. He's all like, "Oh yeah isnt this fun" and "Feel the burn?" and "Yeah, thats th way we like it...to the extreme." and "Thats the X Factor!"

Ive got an "x" for you Tony. Only it involves sticking up my two middle fingers and crossing them. Yeah, thats right. I paid your ass $150 bucks for this?

Im waiting for the fat to start burning off. Patience Audrey, patience. Its something I lack, significantly.

So how are your "Get Fit" New Years Resolutions coming along?

Does anyone know where I can get a pair of leg warmers? I watched Flash Dance this weekend and am dying to wear leg warmers when I work out!

On The Menu

Breakfast
1 cup orange juice
1 cup green tea
1 cup coffee
Vitamin D
Fish Oil
Multi Vitamin
Baby Asprin

I need to start eating breakfast to jump start my metabolism but I cant muster the appetite. Got to work on this to keep my body efficient.

Lunch
4 oz salmon
1 cup asparagus
1/4 cup wild rice
all tossed in a low sodium chix broth and white wine satueed in shallots, capers and spiced with dill
(Wish I could have a glass of Chardonnay with this lunch. It would pair nicely.)
water

Snack
string cheese
handful of raw almonds

Dinner
3 chicken tender breasts satueed with green onion, mushrooms, carrots and garlic and chix broth
romaine lettuce salad tossed in eeoo, red wine vinegar, splash of sweet pickle juice and dash of italian seasonings (this is a family favorite and from my aunts mother)
wild rice

Snack
bowl of shredded wheat with soy milk
WorkOut today: Cardio and Ab Ripper

On a side note, because I am a natural born sleeper, it is a most rare occurence in which something will motivate me out of my comfy bed before dawn.

These include:

A) A fire in my home OR
B) Ive been up all night having insane wild physical sex and I need to hydrate (ok so this only happened with one relationship in my life but I can pretend like its a common occurence)...anything else can wait.

Last night, at 2am I woke up so unbelievably hungry I cheated and had a bowl of fruit loops. Yes, processed sugar, coloring...the worst kind of slip up.

Turns out I forgot to raid my cereal cabient when feng shuing my kitchen of all the evil that likes to take residence in my belly, hips or ass.

After the bowl, I threw the box in the garbage can.
On a positive note, I drank it with soy milk. Yes, Rump, I know...but its organic soy. And my endocrinologist agrees with your opinion (ok I took it as my opinion) of processed soy, but prefers me to stay on the organic soy to keep my estrogen levels up. Breasts are still sore.

Sunday, January 11

On The Menu

Breakfast:
1 cup green tea
1 cup orange juice
coffee
3 egg white omelet with mushrooms
Vitamin D
Fish Oil
Multi Vitamin
Baby Asprin

Lunch:
10 carrot sticks
hummos
1 pita
romaine tossed in balsamic and eeoo

Dinner:
green / red cabbage coleslaw
lean pork
soba noodles
coffee

Busy day. Just getting ready to pop in today's P90x routine. Today is Core Synergistics. After that, Im going to try to sneak in some of the Leg / Back routine. My ass feels jiggly.

Just finished Core Synergistics and lost my cookies. This program is really tough. I have not eaten since 4pm and I still lost dinner. I have never been worked this hard in my life. Even at triple sessions volleyball camp in college. Time for a hot soak. Thanks Tony Horton, you helped me achieve a resistance level Ive never experienced and it has not even been a week.

On another side note, Ive switched to organic. Ive been eating organic and mainly veggies, fruits, lean meats in the past few days. Its weird, I feel as if my sense of smell is enhanced. Maybe that is because I stink after my intense workouts and just notice it more. Ive also noticed that I have a thicker mucus draining from my nasal towards my throat. This is really gross but when I catch it and discharge it, it seems likes it been up there for a while. My body is starting to do things Ive never experienced before. I feel like its healing itself. Sorry for too much info but this blog has become more of a diary so deal with it.

Saturday, January 10

Snow Snow Go Away Part II




Nine inches and counting. Ive kept up with shoveling.

P90x

Tony Horton can kiss my ass. P90x is extreme. Today I did Shoulders and Arms. Still have to do Ab Ripper. I was going to add Cardio today to get my heart rate up, and hope I can achieve that goal. Shoulders and Arms was killer. I did it with 8 lb dumbbells and wished I had 10 lb for some of the shoulder exercises. Im naturally strong in my upper body thanks to my dad. The day is good.

Breakfast:
1 cup green tea
2 cups french coffee with splash of organic milk
1 cup fresh squeezed orange juice
Vitamin D
Fish Oil
Mutil Vitamin
Baby Asprin

Lunch:
skipped it

Dinner:
Edamame
Black Beans
Sugar Snap Peas
Carrots

all steamed...over a small serving of chinese rice noodles...tossed in a peanut soy sauce, bottled and organic
water water water

Today for P90x, because I was snowed in, I did Arms and Shoulders, Ab Ripper and Cardio. Also watched Legs and Back...because I was curious, but no way I could even attempt.

Hot bath soak and now a trip to the grocery store. Im out of several items Ill need to cook my lunches this week.

I noticed my ass looks different. The fat is still there, but its lifted. So now its like effing JLO, but bigger. The fat burning will kick in...I hope.

Release Me



The benefit of having so much effing snow, that you cant get your car out of the driveway, (good thing its going to slow down and melt tomorrow!) is that you have PLENTY of time to do shit that you would not otherwise do.

Today, I am celebrating by doing things for myself.

I started with making myself an authentic cup of french coffee. The annoyance of a weak cup of coffee is a non necessity. In the workplace, when you have an admin making the pot, you can only remind them each time they accidentally make a strong pot how much you like it. Although youd suspect they would get it, and make a strong pot each time, turns out some others like it weak so the admin does her job well by rotating. Strong sometimes, middle of the road others, and on the off occassion the consultant stops by...piss coffee. When you make coffee at home, you have the pleasure of making it just how you like it. Thats the way uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh.

My brother, while visiting me on his break from training, practiced restraint by not riding me for my automatic coffee making and coffee choice. Im so proud of him. A year ago, he would have ranted about how my coffee selection sucks. I didnt even share my secret with him. That I was waiting for my delivery from Williams Sonoma of the Bodum French Coffee Press! Miami introduced me to the strong cup of joe through cuban coffee. A little too strong and sweet for my preference, but somewhere inbetween was just right. French it was.

Today I made my first cup of french coffee. Whole, roasted, organic french coffee beans, ground fresh. Thanks to Heinens and Breville. I boiled the water in a tea pot. I prepared the french press by scooping three large rounded tablespoons of that course ground yumminess into the deep abyss of the skinny french press.

"Hello" I said as I raised the scoop to my nose, inhaling deeply.

"Goodbye" I said as I released it to the bottom of the press. When the course grinds landed at the bottom, they settled nicely, making a faint whisper sounds, almost as if they were saying..."We're home!".

The tea pot trumpeted! "Glory Be!"

I poured the steaming hot water into the french press. The grinds broke out into chorus..."Hallelujah" swimming in their hot bath.

I waited four minutes, which seemed like four hours. Impatiently allowing the grinds to brew...or stew? I lided the press and pressed down on the plunger. That simple act was so satisfying. I plunged it slow, not wanting to disturb the peace the ground has found. Not wanting to hurry the release of flavors. When the plunger reached the bottom, I poured a cup of french coffee into my New York mug. Its as close to France as Ive gotten. Topped it off with a splash of organic milk to cool it, and took my first sip.

Mi brosher, you were right. Freedom coffee is so much tastier than Folgers. Cant wait to make you a cup. Bodum, why the hell are you located in Denmark?

Effing fantastic!

Snow Snow Go Away




Six inches and counting. Do you believe I have an appointment this morning that requires me to cross town.
When I'm done, I am going to P90x my ass off today.

Thursday, January 8

Wednesday, January 7

Mind Over Mood

I had a shitty day yesterday. Ive noticed that rather than disciplining myself to take on a fresh start this morning, Ive carried yesterdays bad day into this morning. It woke me up at 4am...I should have grabbed it by the balls then.

I vow, at this moment, I will not allow yesterday to spill over into today. Today is a new day. So I will release from the minor annoyances this morning that I have allowed to piss me off WAY too much and laugh.

Mental note...dont start work at 6am, I do much better starting at 7am.

So here goes, got to get it off my chest:

Weak coffee - why bother? If its not a robust "Cup of Joe", Id rather not.

Listen Please - Dont ask a question if you dont want an answer. Particularly those of you who ask for an opinion and then dont wait for a response. My opinion is not your opinion, and without a good debate or really good cause, facts or evidence...you will not change my opinion.

Microsoft Access "In Null" disregard criteria. I know two negatives make a positive but you still piss me off.

My Budget - No I did not really spend $750 in December on dining out did I? My subconcious knew it, now the number affirms. Mental note to self, do your monthly budget on the last day of the month so that you start the new month knowing what you need to focus on. Mantra..."Its a means to an end...and the end is in sight, and the end is warm, beautiful, and me at my best. I will be proud when I make this accomplishment!"

Cleveland Plain Dealer - Dude, deliver it by 5am. 530am is not early enough. Are you really going to make me stop everyday at the gas station?

Heels - I love you Etienne Aigner...but why have I recently noticed the mini square rubber caps at the base of the heel keep falling off. I hate the inconsistent click of one heel with a rubber and one heel without.

Breakfast:
1 cup soy milk
1 cup green tea
Fish Oil
Vitamin D
Multi-Vitamin
Baby Asprin

Lunch
Turkey breast on multi grain bread, mustard, lettuce, tomatoe
apple
water

Snack
handful raw almonds
water

Dinner
1 baked organic chicken breast marinated in organic eeoo italian dressing
asparagus
1/2 cup cous cous
water

Tuesday, January 6

1200 Calories a Day

As a fellow blogger now knows, I subscribe to About.com. Of all the diet mediums out there, I find this site to be very informative and scientific in their approach to the management of health, diet and nutrition.

About.com educated me to understanding that food is really all about providing energy for your body. Energy in which you expend. Your height, activity level, genetic disposition, area in which you live, excitability factor, etc all play a role in your bodys need for daily caloric intake.

For everyone, there is a mathematicl equation that can help you determine the calorie intake that would:
A) sustain your current weigh
B) gain weight and
C) lose weight

(If youd like to determine yours, go to About.com)

It is true, that no matter what your circumstance a normal, relatively healthy adult will undoubtedly lose weight by restricting themselves to 1200 calories a day. Its my "go to" diet when I know I've strayed too far and need to realign and be reminded that my food is energy and necessity, not an indulgence.

Now dont get me wrong, you must treat your body too along the way (once a week) which is the motivation to be discplined at most times.

I expect my P90x workout to arrive on the 9th. In preparation for the workout, I began today restricting my daily caloric intake to 1200 calories.

To keep me disciplined, I am going to log my food intake and measure the fat / calories / carbs / protein / and sugar each day.

In 60 days, I will post a picture of my body in the bikini I will be sporting on South Beach this March, in celebration of St. Patty's Day.


Tuesday January 6th

Breakfast:
1 cup of green tea (antioxidants)
1 cup of silk soy milk (protein and estrogen)
1000 mg Fish Oil
400 ie Vitamin D
Multi-vitamin
Baby Asprin

Lunch:
15 baby carrots (beta carotene, vitamin a)
6 oz nonfat yogurt (calcium)
handful of baked chips (fiber)
water

Dinner:
3 pieces tuna sashimi
3 pieces yellowtail sashimi
3 pieces salmon sashimi...your welcome Sushi Rock
2 cups spinach salad with teaspoon eeoo and dash of balsamic
water

Monday, January 5

Mom

Mare Bear, Bachelor is on DVR. The season begins.
He outed most of the train wrecks, but missed one.
DeAnna is back to eff with his head.
I dont know if I can stomach this year.


Why I Love My Mother

Tonight, when I left my parents house after a quick bite and catch up...I drove home. My mother, when she said goodbye, goes through her normal list of things that she says when she says goodbye. Watch your back, use a condom (ok well she hasnt said that in years because she knows better), love you, and tonight the added, careful not to fall getting out of the tub. My mom is the best. She was totally and completely serious.

For those of you who do not know my mother, you might think this is a sick joke, but she was being totally sincere.

Love you mom.

No EarMuffs Please

There is nothing more sexy that a man who is...manly. A man who is not to metrosexual. A man who has a strong stature. A masculine demeanor. An appetite. An opinion. One whom has the ability to show insecurity in the safeguard of his favorite girl. One who occassionally just stuffs cash in his pockets. One whose body envelopes a womans. Hands that are soft but strong. The list could go on but my day is full, so this post will be brief. A man striking the balance between masculinity and sincerity so as not to seem feminine is a difficult balance. It is demonstrated by their choice of words, attitute, resilience, response to a strained situation, shoes, clothing, meal choices, etc.

This is a balance that that some men get, and others dont, or dont care to try. For those of you who do get it, or for those of you who are trying (is there anything more sexy than a guy who has an 'image' of who he wants to be but needs his womans help?) I have a small piece of advice.

Under no circumstances, none whatsoever, should a man ever wear earmuffs.

I realize that your mother bundled you up when it was cold, but any amount of masculinity can not offset that small wardrobe malfunction. Buy a scarf, a grey wool one, try a houndstooths print if you dare. But under no circumstances whatsoever, should you buy earmuffs. If you are in fact a runner, and you need to keep your ears warm, there are plenty of hood options with popular brand athletic wear. Just please...for the love of woman...do not wear earmuffs.

To the guy in the parking garage this morning who sported his long wool coat and slacks, leather casual shoes and earmuffs...dude really? Although I cant appreciate your choice of ear protection, I can appreciate you for your blog inspiration this morning.

Is it a coincidence the word "muff" is part of that noun?

Sunday, January 4

Beach Body

January 11th:
P90X challenge begins

Friday, January 2

When You Wish Upon A Star

Have you ever experienced a dream so real, when you awake you think it might have really happened? My subconcious worked overtime last night.

There is a man whose path I have crossed and Ive come to know over the years. It would not be fair to say I know him well, as weve barely scratched the surface. I challenge myself to explore the possibility it is the mysteriousness that keeps my interest.

But in fact, I find my attraction is simply that when we connect, I learn something about him, and with each thing I learn, I like him more. I know I can trust him, he has been there in my time of need. He makes a bold statement with just a few words, and has no time for pettiness.

It is too true after each conversation I learn something about myself and I like what I learn. Quite simply, I like the person I am when I talk with him or am with him.

There is so much to be said, but I often have trouble finding the words...even in type. So today, I share what I am able to articulate. My appreciation for this gentleman in my life, no matter the distance between us.

The dream was passionate. His body scent, the feel of his skin, his hands at my decolletage, his whispering in my ear...and the conversation after. The passion motivating enough to want to spend some time, pay attention to the details and make a fuss.

There are at least two theories that exist in companionship:
One theory, you must become your best self before you committ to love.
Another theory, you find your best self by committing to love.

I do hope, that I am always searching for my best self.

Thursday, January 1

It Will Be The Summer of Krusty in 2009

New Years Resolutions

1. I resolve to never tell my mother that she is wrong. She really is right all the time.

2. I resolve to have a conversation with my father each week that involves more than "How are you?".

3. I resolve to call my little brother more. He is so wise beyond his years and I learn from him.

4. I resolve to make people laugh more.

5. I resolve to restore my confidence in love.

6. I resolve to take Emily to the vet on time, every time. Its so hard to feed her those pills.

7. I resolve to stick to my monthly dining out budget. Sorry Sushi Rock.

8. I resolve to continue to be debt free. Its a means to an end, no matter how good a weekly mani/pedi sounds.

9. I resolve to having a "Summer of Krusty" in 2009.

10. I resolve to finding a place I can call home, that feels like Ive come home.