New Do

For the past year, I have been trying to return my hair to my natural hair color. When I was a little girl, my hair was as white as could be. White, wispy and sometimes stuck straight up when my mom cut it into a short bob. I would dry my hair as a little girl by swinging on the swing set in the backyard. I loved to make "cherry bumps".

As I grew older, my hair became darker. Since I always secretly wanted to be a brunette, I relished in the fact that perhaps I would experience life as a blonde and as a brunette. Now we all know that blondes have more fun, but just as a hair cut can give the impression of your personality, so can the hair color. I remember vividly in 5th grade, my teacher Mrs. Burger, shouted out loud as the class was taking a test. She was a robust woman with a loud boisterous voice. The class had our noses to the desks, furiously filling in bubbles on the state exams. Mrs. Burger loud out a loud shriek. She exclaimed, "Angela, my dear. Your hair is turning dark!" I just looked at her. Not sure if it was a compliment or an insult, but I quickly concluded that it was a compliment, as at a young, ripe, impressionable age, I could not stomach an insult.

Blonde is fun, exciting, thrilling. Brunette is sexy, mysterious, seductive. Short haircuts can scream mom, or if done correctly they can be cute. Medium length hair or long hair either says 70's or sexy...all dependent upon the cut.

As I embarked upon my journey to return to my natural hair color, at the same time I gave up manicures and pedicures. I guess in a weird sort of way I was working to make my canvas blank, and rebuilding myself physically...and quite frankly I am totally sick of it.

I have wondered for the past year, as I have gotten fed up with my dirty dishwater blonde hair, limp roots and short manicured fingers and toes, when I would give in. But NO! I would not surrender to the temptation of vanity. I would defeat and find a way to feel absolutely beautiful without the need for any chemical or cosmetics! And to boot, the extra money each month was a treat. Mind you, highlight, cut, manicures and pedicures all come at a cost.

I've surrendered and scheduled myself a spa evening for Friday, May 8th. I am going to return to the Angela I once knew physically, the place where I feel most confident. I am going to remember how this past year of retreating to simplicity in my appearance, encouraged me to take a look within and realize that my beauty on the inside is really what matters, the outside is just a bonus. We all know it, we all say it, but the question of whether or not its truly what we demonstrate or conduct is another question. Ugliness comes in many forms, but the form that leaves the lasting impression is the kind of ugly that comes from within. I've been that ugly many times. I am beautiful on the inside...most times.

I have never thought that I would be approaching 32 (June 7th) as a single woman. I imagined I would be married, with a few kids and madly in love. I've been madly in love, but not the kind of love that sustains time. I've had the good fortune of having kids in my life, my niece and nephew and am reminded when I see them that I am not able to give up on my desire for an offspring of my own, ideally the product of love between two, but at a minimum...a part of me. But, as my choices in life have dictated; its just me. And since its just me, I am going to be the best me I can be. Inside, outside and all around.

Platinum blonde, short bob, big smile and wide green eyes. That does in fact suit me best physically. I may even throw in a mani and pedi!